Q. Teresa: How come men can ALWAYS take time off of work and/or MAKE time for something they want to do...but when it comes to taking time off to help out your spouse, it's a "Maybe." or "I do work, ya know." or "We'll see." instead of "Of course...I'll make that happen."

A. Before we get started, would you do something? Make me a sandwich. Nothing fancy, although a Reuben would be awesome. Huh? I should go what myself? Hmm, how about we take a quick look at spousal requests:

Things women ask men to do

Move furniture

Fix the car

Open jars

Get things off the top shelf

Mow the lawn

Take out the trash

Talk to the kids

See what “that noise” is

Carry boxes from the basement

Carry boxes to the basement

Put keys on key rings

Kill mice

Watch “Twilight” movies

Change light bulbs

Paint

Clean the garage

Build a deck

Plant a garden

Cuddle

Put up Christmas decorations

Take down Christmas decorations*

Fix the hole in the roof

Shower

Romantic shit

Things men ask women to do

Have sex

Fix sandwiches

Men can make time for things we want to do is because we want to do them, like fish, cut things with a chainsaw, and drink beer. We don’t make time do things you want us to do, because as you can see, these things are usually shit and we’re selfish assholes. Did you not see the title of this blog?

*Why the hell should I take them down? I’m just going to have to put them back up in 11 months.