Q: Amysue – When given tasks/chores to do around the house, why do they always act like they have no idea how to accomplish them without step-by-step instructions?

A: Amysue, we act like we don’t know how to load a dishwasher, or properly fold a shirt, for one perfectly good reason. We don’t care. When it comes to chores a guy will mow the yard, change the oil in the car, beat the shit out of stuff with a hammer, and chop down a tree because these things are fun. You think I don’t know how to load a fucking dishwasher? Have you ever seen me play Tetris? I can load a dishwasher and get the high score. I can fold a shirt that will make a drill sergeant cry like a hooker on Dr. Phil. I can even bake a cake in the shape of Pikachu giving Ronald McDonald a handjob. I have no idea why this would happen in real life, but I CAN bake that cake and it will be fucking delicious.* However, none of these chores are as important as shooting zombies on Xbox or watching the ball game. We act like we're stupid because, 1) we figure you’ll just get frustrated looking at our glazed eyes and do it yourself, or 2) we’ll follow your detailed list, still mess it up and you’ll realize we’re too incompetent to ever trust with that chore again. Either way, we win. To an average guy, happily doing “tasks/chores” around the house is equivalent to you sitting quietly in a fishing boat all day drinking whisky and occasionally pooping over the side. By the way, if you actually like doing that, we should probably get married.

* Truth is, I did make that cake, and when other parents at little Timmy’s birthday party acted all pissed off, I just asked if they want more cake, maybe the piece with Ronald McDonald's O-face on it? Sorry, I got off topic. I could write an entire book about handjob cakes.