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Friday, February 10, 2012

Q. Laura: Why do men cheat on their wives with an uglier woman than their wife? I mean if you are gonna cheat she better be hot.

A. Are you talking about Tiger Woods? Or maybe the Governator? How about Prince Charles? At one point these men were married to women hot enough to give Neil Patrick Harris a woody. During Tiger Woods’ storybook marriage he decided that having sex with a live Swedish Barbie was so boring he started nailing pancake waitresses, porn stars, homeless guys, the knothole in the arm of an antique Chesterfield, whores, more whores, and his own face. I say “storybook” because Woods’ favorite bedtime books were, “Where The Wild Things are”*, and “Billy Meats a Truckload of Skank.” Arnold Schwarzenegger had a child with Jabba the Hutt, and Prince Charles cheated on Diana with a horse. The point is that guys – ALL guys – will have sex with anything that says “yes.” I don’t care how hot you are, the same men who are attracted to you will also do it with a bucktoothed hobgoblin in the bathroom of a 7-11 if she gives a nod and a wink. And you’re questioning this? I’m offended. Having sex with ugly chicks is like giving money to the March of Dimes. I wonder if I can claim that on my taxes?
*Think about it “Wild Things,” “Let the wild rumpus begin,” and “I’ll eat you up?” Max was totally banging those monster/goat/bird things.

2 comments:

  1. Afte reading the question...
    What is the answer? The point is that guys – ALL guys – will have sex with anything that says “yes.”? It all depends on how much alcohol is involved.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Here's something I'd tack on to that: it's not ALWAYS about looks. Oh, the post is accurate, in many cases. It doesn't make sense that any man would pass up the above-listed great things going, but it happens. Sometimes, it's just a matter of convenience. Sometimes, as in Tiger's case, it's a matter of available options - wife isn't, waitress is. And occasionally, it does happen that a beautiful woman is just lousy in bed. I'm fortunate in that the most beautiful woman I've ever slept with was also the best in bed. However, I've had some that weren't exactly the most physically attractive but were sexually amazing. On the flip, I could name one in particular off the top of my head who was lovely, but an inept prude.

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