Q. Fawna: Why when you ask a man to cuddle, or for a hug or to sit by you on the sofa they think you want to have sex?

A. One word: boner. Have you never been alone with a guy? Ladies, we can get a hard on by making direct eye contact with you, smelling your hair, or watching you eat a pickle. Hell, Fawna, I’m getting an erection just thinking about you eating a pickle, and I don’t even know what you look like. Now you’re talking about cuddling, hugging, and sitting on the sofa? Let’s look at an average guy’s thoughts via man math: Man+Woman+Couch=Sex. You add hair smelling, and hopefully some pickle eating, and panties are flying. Math does not lie. Why can’t couch time be innocent? Because average guys don’t do things like cuddle and hug (we’d rather be drinking), and we don’t just sit on the sofa without an Xbox controller in our hands unless it leads to sex. We just naturally assume you want the same thing.

Man (thinking): Hey, she’s sitting next to me. She must want sex. Good thing I’ve got a boner.

Woman (what a man thinks she’s thinking): Damn, I need to have sex right now. I’ll sit next to him on the sofa. I’m glad that gives him a boner.

Woman (what she’s really thinking): … How the hell should I know what a woman’s thinking? If you didn’t want to have sex, you wouldn’t be sitting next to me right now giving me a boner, I’d be watching the ballgame, and you’d be off doing whatever it is women do when they don’t want to have sex. Don’t expect me to know what that is. Zumba, or whatever.